when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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