11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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