It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
