can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
