we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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