walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
