i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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