woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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