woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
