happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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