Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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