so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
