At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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