i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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