I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
