She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
