what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
