I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
