when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
