thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
