There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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