Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
