I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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