I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
