3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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