Define "chronic" masturbator.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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