take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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