I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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