I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
