I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
