I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
