im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
