I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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