The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize