"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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