moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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