dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
