I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
