woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
