I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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