it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
