I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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