My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
