that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
