Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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