Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
