You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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