When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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