What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
