so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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