i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
