HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
