the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize