What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
