When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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