he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
